yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
