This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
