Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
