Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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