i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
