If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
