im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Holy shit dude........stairs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
