I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
