Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
