My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
