I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
