Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
