I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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