What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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