Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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