I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
