Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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