That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
