when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My sheets look like a crime scene.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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