Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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