HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
