Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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