Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
