Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
