Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
