I must be too annoying 4 u.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
