I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
