So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
