I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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