I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love having hate sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
