His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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