im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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