If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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