he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
