There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
