Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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