just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
