Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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