So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
