I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
