whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
