then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we're so committed to being not committed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
