She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
