now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
