i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
