Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
