it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
