I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
