Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
