dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
