My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
