sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
