Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
