So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just found puke in my bra..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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