I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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