Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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