Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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