and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
