1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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