I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
