i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
