pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
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I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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