My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
