ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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