I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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