are you still at the devil's house?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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