Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
