This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
