So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
