I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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