I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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