just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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